I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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