I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
