Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
