I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
