The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
