I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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