So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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