After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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