My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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