I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I met the friendliest cop last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
