Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
