U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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