Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she told me i tasted like america
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
