Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
