The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
