singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
