I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
