the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
