It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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