his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
