The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
