the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
