you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
