My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
