I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize