hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
