Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
