her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
