Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
