i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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