dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
