New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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