for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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