So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
