I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
