Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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