I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
