Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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