actually, I'm a sock model
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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