Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
