her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
