you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
