Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
