Need sex. Gaining weight.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
