How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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