Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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