so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
should my penis look like a turkey
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
