All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize