i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I want a musical about memes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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