already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
