the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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