Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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