Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
