I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
