just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
