you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
