I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
