Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
