something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
