"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
