Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
