So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
