I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
