I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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