Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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