Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Found the puke drawer
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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