I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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