I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
