Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
