this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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