Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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