I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We are two peas in an std pod
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
